mosquito d culprit

as lucky as ever..i was down with another virus..

pathetic me..

i had fever for 3-4 days..headache..bony + joint pain for days..

then the typical sign of dengue appeared -> petechiae

(petechiae is red spots all over the body caused by ruptured blood vessels..bleeding under the skin..)

so ya..and i knew it..

BINGO..i got another virus multiplying in my body..

went and see doctor twice..took blood samples twice..

but dengue antigen still negative..

doctor not sure what to do with me..

symptoms persist..fever still there..

so i was admitted..

yup..once early of the year..one end of the year..

=.=

diagnosis for admission was rashes for investigation..

multiple blood test was sent..even external blood test for leptospirosis..(my kl house got rats running around..) chikungunya etc were all sent..

(20-30mls of blood taken?huhu..*painful*)

attending doctor thinks i have measles because i had red spots even on my face..not normal for dengue..

and all my dengue blood test were still negative..

so i was transferred to isolation room..again..this time for precaution..

pretty enjoyed my isolation room stay..lolz..

maybe i like to have my own space and silence when i am sick..

was initially in a 4bedded room 

(i'm only entitled for 4bedded..FOC medical treatment..i'm thankful..)

the noise from visitors and inconsiderate-not-so-sick patient who were watching dramas with loud speaker can be quite annoying..

so it was blessing in disguise i guess..

though i have ugly swollen face with red spots..

i get to have peace for the whole admission in isolation single bed room..with toilet..

wakakkaa..

anyway..in the end..

i was diagnosed with dengue because of my symptoms and liver function went haywire..

on supplement to protect my liver..sigh..

lucky enough to be discharged on christmas eve..

platelet count picked up and i was allowed to go home..

though i know i am not well yet..

still have nose bleed and petechiae but getting less..

red spots on my legs were as though skin of my soon-going-to-heaven-patients which we call it mottling..

*this is not my leg..* colour was something like this but darker more purplish..o.o

thank God it is now over..

still feel lethargic..but i guess i had enough of sleep..

had 2 days MC after discharged..

used it fully to sleep..basically i was awake like only 8-9 hours for that 2 days..hoho..

even on Christmas..

though i was back in ipoh..but too tired to go out with friends..

not that i have forgotten any of them..

so tempted to go out..but i just cant function like normal..

only went out once for makan with parents..

the rest all at home..

sigh.. >.<

---------------------------------------------------------

so this is what i got for christmas this year..

hospitalization + teddy with cookies and candies from friend

a soft soft blanket from colleague..

(no picture..heheh..)

 family time with mom n dad n doggies..

naughty stuart on table..

 all time favourite kai shi hor fun.. XD

and my sweet caramel custard...wee..^.^

facebook..

facebook is a very useful creation by Mark Zuckerberg

we can use it to keep in touch with friends..

get ourselves updated with latest new and happening..

(my friends always post newspaper articles on their page you see..lolz)

get updated on the results of sport games and special events..

share information for learning purpose in between group members..

(Eg: my post basic group page..^.^)

and many many more good use when it is used wisely..

but there are people who also misuse it such as..

post rumours which is for sure not true..

(every known or unknown people in friends list will be able to read and see..words will spread super fast..)

posting some stu*** obscene pictures just for the fun of irritating friends..

(never use cerebral cortex to think how bad it might cause to their friends..naive and silly people..)

and many many very subjective examples..

can't help it but to feel irritated in reading and viewing some unsightly comments and pictures..

some people just never think of consequences when posting so much personal information in this open world of internet..

not trying to say you have no freedom in how you use..

but at least to have a little conscience in what you do..

think twice before posting something unrelated to you..something which maybe private to others..

post your own stuff enough le..don't pull other people go die with you..%$&#

especially when you have a very good functional brains..IQ maybe higher than others..you should be able to use your cerebral cortex to analyze before you do nonsense..

i used to think..how good if all of us are like kids when we don't feel anything about saying the wrong things at the wrong time..just laugh at the error..

(mind you..its error..something you don't know its wrong..not mistake..something that you know its wrong but accidentally made the mistake..got difference there..)

but when i grow up..environment "forced and pushed" me to think before i do something..

i am still learning..and still a long way more to go..i bumped into hard walls and rocky roads a few times before..

cracked my skull and heart a little at times..

but i learned..and try not to repeat..

(thousand apologies to people that i've hurt before..thank you for telling me when i did wrong..your honesty and sharing made me learn..thank you..=))

hurt yourself only is better than hurting everyone else who are innocently being affected by your actions out of sudden...

still belief..karma will come back to all these people..

wait..wait..i shall sit and watch how far you can go..

wakakak..XP

yea..very obvious here that i am not facing the problem right?

not being kind to help out others like how others helped me?

ya ya..i know..

because this few brats are not worth telling..

they only think they are "the only thing" that exist in their world..

waste my saliva to talk only..

so i just "duck" it.. XD

ps : had a very bad day yesterday..all nonsense..but good enough to disturb my emotional balance..lolz..

"today will be better than yesterday"

Firdaus, 2011

lalala..

my life nowadays is so routine..

bound by all these piles of assignment which needs to be handed up soon..

part of me hoping that i can finish this course fast..

part of me wish that this course continues till when i am tired of studying..

hahahha..

i have fear in me..

thinking of the new expectations that my seniors will put on my shoulders when i am back to work..

my own expectations on my ownself..

and many many other things to think of..

please be reasonable in putting expectations on me..

i only have a year of experience..

then i'm out studying for 6 months..

i am still lack of practical experiences..

hahahhaa..

playing tai chi now..

*hua push to the left* don't expect so much from me..

*hua push to the right* i am still junior..

*hua push to front and back* i'm only 22..don't put so much burden on me..

hahhahahahaha..

but i am grateful that i have family who supports me..

friends who loves me..

and people who accept me for who i am..

nothing much to ask for..

=)

i am still praying for people around me to be happy..

friends who are still in their darkness moment of life..

friends who are still trying to overcome their own emotions..

friends who are still struggling to get what they want in life..

may God bless all of them and guide them through their obstacles..

thank you..=)

may my parents and family members be well and good in all ways..

hehehhe

just a little moment for a kind-hearted lady who unknowingly left a foot print in my heart..

to the late ms jasvir..

thank you so much for all the help and guidance throughout my years in college..

your little thoughts and help (such as purposely keeping the pointer every day for me to collect it, preparing laptop for me early in the morning without fail when you know there are external lecturers and etc) really touched me..

giving me suggestions when i have doubts..

you never fail to smile and make me smile too..

your departure is so sudden that many of us just can't accept it..

whether there was an negligence or not..

it doesn't matter..

i believe everything has a reason behind it..

the little dream i had on the day after i visited you gave me a big relief

whether it was subconsciously my hope or whether its real..

i just hope that you are happy and peaceful now..

may you rest in peace..

thank you for everything you have done..

midnight randomness

after so long since i last update my blog..

this is gonna be compilation of a few random thoughts at this moment..

i was pretty busy with assignments and posting for the past 1 month..

been rushing all my assignments as date due was changed last minute and a few unexpected events that happened..

when i was rushing my assignments with class mates..

i came to realized..plagiarism is really a big big issue..

may be i am a little blunt and "yat lok mok" in this context..

but it seriously did not come to me that 

copy paste assignment = my assignment..

sound so weird right?

how can i take credit of other people's work as mine?

but for some people..its perfectly alright and good..

some even think it's a smart choice to do it..

seriously i just dont feel its right and i dont get any satisfaction out of doing the assignment..

sigh...

worse thing is..some people who plagiarize dont even know how to plagiarize properly..

direct copy paste and only from one source and just hand the assignment in...

sigh..

----------------------------------------------------

some superbug invaded my immune system again..

sometimes i felt like i am an old auntie who keep seeing doctor and get admitted few times a year..

hahaha..

no i did not get myself admitted again..don't worry..

just fell sick after some home-spread-virus among housemates..hahaha

so i am down again..

bad year for my health..

=/

-------------------------------------------------

i realized there are few super drug which cures symptoms immediately..

hahaha..i just love them now..

for any allergic reaction or rashes..IV hydrocortisone 200mg will be perfect..

rashes will subside within a minute or 2..

awesome..

next..Voltaren suppositories..

cure fever with body aches and all very well..a suppository is good enough to subside all the symptom and reduce temperature within 10-20minutes..

super awesome..

ahahhaha..

-----------------------------------------------

nursing..its about saving people's life and helping the sick going through tough time..

every patient who come to the hospital do not expect to be admitted and what more be potential to leave the hospital through a back door(mortuary)..

all they have in mind is just..i go to the hospital because i dont feel well and need medical attention..

some patients may come with 50-50 chances of survival because of their medical condition..

they came to us with fate and entire life in our hands..

(not only nurses..doctors too..but in this context focus more on nurses)

we are the eyes, the ears and the mouth for the patients..

we are trained to advocate what patient need and do our best to protect our patient's benefit..

but why do some nurses forget this fact?

is paper work that important?is your patient who have changes in breathing pattern not important for you?

deterioration of condition does not happen in a minute or two..

not all patient is that critical like in icu where the next moment everything change..

research have shown that majority of collapse patients has significant changes in the vital signs and general condition 8 hours before the collapse..

but why nobody detect any of it?

sad to say and see..

poor assessment..poor management..negligence..

if nurses have treat patient with more passion and care like their own blood relation..

all this will not happen..

every patient deserve a chance of living like any other human..

we are given a pair of hands to save lives and not to be murderer..

always do no harm to patients..

*very sad over a few incidents..=(*

--------------------------------------------------

please appreciate people around us..

life is short and nobody can predict the future..

what if i sleep today and never wake up tomorrow?

life is unpredictable..

i sound so old at times..

maybe i am too exposed to life and death..

seeing people who miss their chance to fulfill their love one's living wish..

seeing people who regret not treating their love one well when they are still around..

all this makes me appreciate what i have..

my approach and opinion towards death also change totally..

seriously..appreciate and treat everyone well as you may not know what will happen tomorrow..

whOa..

you know what?

friends can treat you nicely when they need your help..

when they need a shoulder to cry on..people to listen to problems..

friends can be the best of people to hang out with when everything sails smoothly..

(just a general statement..i know there are real true friends who exist..=] )

friends can give you happiness and create a lot of memories in your life..

but 

friends can also insult you when they just don't like you going against their wishes and request..

(some horrible silly childish stupid request..=.=")

friends can also get angry just because you have other friends to attend to..out of jealousy..>.<

(btw..you don't own me..no one own me..)

friends can also give silent cold treatment when they have PMS or after a bad day..

friends can also scold you for minor things which "no-matter-how-much-you-try-to-think-how-it-is-related-to-them-but-fail" which they use as a reason to scold you..

friends can literally step on your self-confidence and "dominate" you mentally..

if you allow it to happen..

friends can do wonders to an individual..

colleagues can be the best people who understands your work stress and people at work..

colleagues can be people who help you out when you have heavy workloads..

colleagues can be your best of friends..

but..

colleagues can also be selfish enough to 'snatch' opportunities from you..

colleagues can also be people who step on your back in order to move up..

colleagues can also be people who make your day miserably miserable by being a dictator..

whoa..

human can be so ugly right?

hahahahah
sigh..suddenly sounds like there is no hope in the world..everyone is so fake..

hahahhaa

i'm actually aware of all the above long long time ago..

there are real friends and fake friends around everyone's life..

it is just that whether their mask still intact on their face or not..

and whether that someone realize the presence of the mask or not..

=/

sad to admit..i know who is true and who is fake..who is selfish..who is honest and can be trusted..

people might say i am silly to still treat them well..

i chose to accept them for who they are..

everyone is unique in their own way..

sigh..

disappointed and speechless..

sigh..

the most important thing..

thank you and buck off if you ever have the thought to control me like your puppet..

i am chew cheng im..

the one and only chew cheng im who have a limit in tolerating nonsense from freako..

yay!!

today my life begins

Bruno Mars - today my life begins..

not a new song..but a song i'm currently into..hehehe

somehow sing-a-long with d lyrics made me think and flashed back few things..

=)

exam exam exam work work work..

okie..i successfully finished the one quarter of my post basic course..

yay..!!

exam week was horrible for me..

sad to say..i always burn midnight oil till i have only 3-4 hours of sleep every day..

during the exam week, i will still be able to stand it..

thanks to adrenaline rush in the system..

but once it was over..

i dropped dead flat..

+.+

oh wait..i did not drop dead on the day exam was over..

the adrenaline level were still high in my body..

so i went home after so long (1 month +) to see my parents and dogs..

then eat all the superb ipoh food..

headed back to kl after an extremely short weekend holiday..

the above bar chart shows my energy and mood level during and after exam. XD

okie..i shall elaborate a lil..hehe..

exam days - adrenaline rush high..

post exam day 1 - happy and excited..not tired yet..

day 2 - tired but still enjoying..went out with friends and also sister after i reached kl..

day 3 - woke up very very early to find my way to hkl for posting..slept bout 4-5 hours..extremely tired..slept off at 5.30pm after work..

day 4 - i woke up LATE!!!6.10am!!!friend who suppose to pick me up and fetch me to hkl had to ring the door bell to wake me up as coincidentally my handphone battery chose to die with me in dreamland..no alarm..no phone calls..no messages..>.<

whole house-citizens woke up just because i woke up late...waa....

first in my history..sigh..

despite sleeping for almost 13 hours..my eyes bags were still prominent..

eyelids swollen..>.<

this gives me a very good lesson..

i shall not neglect my sleep anymore..

and 

make sure my hand phone battery can last till the next morning..

i shall be a good girl who sleeps early during this posting..

its something like attachment/tagging in PPUM..

stand and do nothing..

help when necessary and observe and learn..

boring enough that i can sleep standing..

so must make sure i have enough sleep and don't spoil my college's image..

gambate ah im..XD

lalalala..

yay..its friday again..

lalalalala..♥

this is not an ordinary friday..

its the last day of class before holiday starts..

wee..~~~

don't know why nowadays i am so excited about fridays..

over-stressed?playful?
lolz..seriously i wonder why..

3 years of diploma was happy-go-lucky all the way through..

but 6 months course can make me die standing..??

hahahaha

may God bless me..

=)

---------------------------------------------------

miss my doggies very muchie..

*geram* can't wait to go back and hug them..♥♥

i failed =/

i failed to keep my "mc free" goal..

=/

if you are lost..maybe you can read this post ..

sigh..

i tried so hard and do what ever that i can to keep myself healthy..

chicken burger..chicken burger..you spoiled my plan!!

huhuhuhu..

i'm not stating chicken burger from which fast food restaurant..

it was from my own analysis that the burger made me sick..

i got no proof you see..

nobody can certify cause of food poisoning unless you are so free to take specimens for investigation..

based on signs and symptoms after i ate the burger..

indigestion for 6 hours..

can you believe it?my stomach still full after eating for 6 hours...obviously something was not right..

(i'll get hungry after 2 hours le..hahah..shy ne..)

then i had headache + giddy 

brain cells told me..maybe i was too tired doing assignment..

shall sleep..

went to bed early..

2 am..woke up..still giddy..sigh..

turn to my right side..

sudden gush of salivation..*swallow swallow*

cannot..ran to the toilet..

bbllaa...*vomit++++*

sigh..

i think it was about 4-5 years since i last vomit..

and i never like vomiting..

retching of my throat and esophagus..

*eerrr..*

like usual..after vomit will always feel better..

so i bathed and slept off..

next day..can't even sit up..

huhuhu..then..diarrhea..

sigh..

end up taking mc again..

was given intravenous(IV) medication, then i felt much better..

burger oh burger..

please be good the next time i eat you..

guess i won't touch you anytime soon..

*praying hard no more sickness..*

ps : need to go buang sueh ar..so bad this year..sigh...

ps 2 : i love IV med..cure whatever symptoms quick enough..hehee..i will always pray for seniors to inject on me..less pain and no bruises.. XD

back to class..

after working for a year..i am finally back to class again..hahha

college and hospital accepted my application to further studies in post basic in intensive care nursing..

initially i wanted it so badly..

then my human resource management was totally slow and did not respond to my application..

then there were external factors which made me reconsider again and again..

then i was hoping that my application is not approved..

hahahhaha..

then i checked with HR again as class is going to start soon..

and i was told that my application has been accepted..

wakakkaka..

and they gave me 2 stacks of contract for me to get my guarantors to sign..

yea..my contract extended for another 2 years..

sigh..

so..i am now officially a student again..

yea..i can use student card again..waaakaakakka..

having classes back in CON is so usual and routine to me..

i went through all that for 3 years and i am back for another 6 months..hahaha

but this time it is all about adult learning and being independent..

expectations from tutors are way more than last time..

peer pressure is even more intense..

somehow i can feel it..hahaha

my classmates are all super seniors with 3-8 years of experience in ICU..

whereas..mine..a year of experience..

may god bless me..

=)

i believe i can do it..with a little more initiative and enthusiasm..

lolz..

i need all the luck and guidance..

=)

-----------------------------------------------

why do people often feel not being accepted by their friends?

is being accepted really important?

why change yourselves to suit what others want you to be?

(in the context of one's bad values, then a change is necessary..analyze what others comment before doing anything..)

what if the change is not something good to yourself?

in another word..

why must others change to follow the so-called leader of the group?

just because they gossip and stab the person if he/she does not follow along?

then change your group of friends..

friends should accept friends as who they are and not change them into what they want him/her to be..

i do agree with mother theresa..

"if you start judging someone, you will be having no time to love.."

ps : after 2 weeks..i'm actually missing working life..hahahah..

wee...^.^

for the first time..i defib-ed a patient..

wee..after 1 year of working..finally got the chance..during emergency some more..

gan cheong gila-gila but managed to do it..

feel so nice..

but blur and i forgot to say everyone clear..hahahaha..

anyway..all already cleared when i hold up the paddles..hahah

never mind..still learning..new experience..^.^

today's code was terrible..

real critical and bad..

stat iabp..

wee..eye opener..hehe...

more things for me to learn up..

i need to brush up my skills..knowledge..etc..

never ending learning process..=)

speechless..

initially i was pretty angry over bersih 2.0 vs government..

why must they choose on a date where it is my post night shift?

initial plan was to genting with my ji muis..

then leave not approved..cancelled..fine..

 then i got the news my auntie passed away on the night of the rally..

worse..wanted to go back home so badly..pending..pending..

till yesterday census low..my leave approved..

things back at home was not so good..

everyone was shocked with the news and taking it very badly..

though i'm used to it..(yea..i'm cold-blooded..i see it so frequent..)

but i felt helpless when all i can do was just give them a shoulder to cry on..
sigh..guess they will slowly accept the fact..

ok..back to bersih 2.0..

now i'm actually clear about what they are fighting for..

clean and fair electoral system..

yup..they hit it right at the point..

what is the point for the opposition party coming up with great plans for future and etc without a fair election?

and this is how the plan attracted people to join the rally..

not because they are against the government..(not all..some maybe..)

they just want to have a clean and fair result at the end of the day..

if everything is good..what is there to be afraid of?

calling it illegal rally but stating generally our country is a democratic country which accept rallies?

define illegal then..

all they did was just strolling in the city in a group..(with a cause in mind..)

wearing coloured t-shirt is not illegal..

freedom to walk is not illegal too..

why is there needs to have 1 big bunch of police and fru people to be around?

doesn't matter..catch all they want..

shout all they want..

but why shoot tear gas?why spray chemical water?

sigh..worse..into hospital..

published la how much you want saying police did not do that..

videos and photos are all the proofs..

even hundred and thousands of people at that time..

patients and nurses in the compound won't lie definitely..

all the lies will make people lose trust..

and cause more hatred..

we are no longer in the era where all we have for information is from newspaper and words of a man's mouth..

local printed newspaper might publish certain approved news..

but cyber world publish approved and unapproved news..

accept the fact..people keep growing..technologies improves..

you can lie to me now..you can't lie to me forever..

a death during the rally..

i just watched a video on what happened..

impossible people would edit the film just to tarnish police force..

what benefit do they gain?

i guess all the officers who cuffed his hand and watched him breathing his last breath will have nightmare everyday..

(or i shall pray hard for them to have it..)

because all they did was just stand there and watched while passerby tried to help..

but unfortunately..he passed away due to ignorance of these people..

sad..

sometimes when i heard that my friends get involved in fights..planning for fights..

(yea..i have dumbo friends too..they know it..)

i'll always be there bugging and begging..please..don't fight..i don't wish to see them injured..

yea..what is the point to fight?at the end injured..

and who suffer?not only them..nurses and doctors too...and family..

attending to them midnight..we are out to save people ..they are out to cause harm to people..

irritating species..

haha..

i guess my beloved malaysia is not gonna be in peace till the election..

even during and after election will be chaos..

hopefully no innocent life being sacrificed..

"ah po in heaven..please bless us..i don't want to dig a hole underground and hide.."

bersih a.k.a. clean..

when i was young..i used to listen to stories told by my late grandmother who told us about japanese occupation..

those days all the girls cut their hair short and mimic like boys..made themselves ugly by staining their face with charcoal and dirt..always stay at home to avoid meeting japanese soldiers..they were known to kidnap young pretty girls and rape them..those were the days where malaya was ruled by japanese..

then..came the war..british colonization and finally malaya obtained independence..

and formed malaysia..

i grew up knowing the leader of the country was tun mahathir..little did i know bout politics back then..

some people commented he was a great leader..some commented how corrupted he was..

the little girl in me did not bother to know in depth..

even now..i still do not have any interest related to politics..

my dad and aunties used to say we all should know a little about our own country politics..

so..yea..whether i like it or not..our school syllabus made history a compulsory subject..and somehow i knew more about how malaysia was formed and learned how to appreciate what the heroes did in the past..

then i came to know prime minister will change..lolz..the innocent me thought tun mahathir will hold the post forever..there is no need for election or what so ever..hahahaha..

till i grew up..he resigned..new pm took over..all sorts of political changes that i noticed..

maybe because that was the time where i started to read newspaper..ahhahaha..

propaganda on this leader committing this crime..that leader committing that crime..

open discrimination..(worse than gossiping..appears in all newspapers and website..=.=") some related to personal life..rallies to hand in memo..mini protest..etc etc..

it was only about 4 years i'm in kl..

guess my dad warned me 2-3 times not to go out on the respective days because of planned rallies..

the latest..bersih 2.0..

the usual me..never bother bout what is going on in politics..i never knew what was this rally about..

till i see people in facebook putting bersih 2.0 pic badge on their profile..

i took the initiative to read about it..and asked my friends who knew bout it..

then only i knew they wanted to hand in a memorandum to the king..

what is there to create a fuss just because of sending a memo?

just get the proposal done and send it in..even if they want to march and stroll along the street..make sure they don't cause havoc or trouble..

don't we have freedom of speech and action?

you may say i am naive and innocent who knows zero bout politics..

but that was what i was taught in school..

we live in a democratic country..all of us have the rights for democracy..

fair elections and freedom to choose..

what is there for police to block all the main roads and disrupt daily routine and hurting citizens when they claimed all the efforts were done to avoid disrupting daily routine and endanger citizens..

i had to stay home and kept monitoring the news for updates to know what is going on..

feared that i might be caught this morning just because i accidentally wore a yellow shirt to work yesterday night..(though a few mangkuk-fied drivers honk me for no reason when i was walking back..i was not even crossing the road and they honk me..@#$%)

fear to even go out for lunch/dinner..=.=

even planned to stock up food in case of emergency..

what if in the middle of them stopping our own citizens and injuring them, our country got attacked by outsiders?will they have enough manpower to overcome those attacks?

then..out of no where a group of patriots have another rally to show how patriotic they are..

guess saturdays should not be an off day since people misuse it to have rallies like this..

people who are not related should just go back home and be with their family members..visit their parents..spend time while they are around and not cry and regret when they leave..

petronas should come out with more family related advertisement to remind people.. 

appreciate the peace we have now..

stick on what real democracy is about and do it well.. 

 a true strong leader will win no matter what..

sigh..

inflation is going on..everything is so expensive..crimes in the country not reduced..education going downhill..

there are so many things more to improve..but little seemed to be done..

all i see is only power-crazy people..

sad and disappointed..

i do not wish to be back to the era where my late grandma had to stay at home..hiding underground..

(last time their house got underground room..now where got?want to hide also no where..>.<)

>.<

pray for peace..

------------------------------------

talking bout death and dying..

i attended a talk on death and dying to understand more bout it..

it was about the emotions felt bout the person who is dying and how family members react after receiving the news..

it was very interesting and i watched a movie, Go Towards the Light..

sad but it covers all the theory part of death and dying..

appreciate all you have..and people around you..

don't wait till its too late..

not everyone have a duration of time knowing when he/she will die..

sudden death do happen..

funny thing a doc said to me after seeing a bedridden poor prognosis popo..

doc - if i do admit into icu..don't save me and drag my life..let me go..

me - wa..cannot..how also i have to play my part and save people..

doc - no no..put it this way..treat me like how you wish to be treated..

me - *understood and i smiled* 

i don't think i want my life to be dragged too if i won't have a good quality of life..

just donate all my functional organs and let me go peacefully..

=)

do do mo mo kun kun...XD

have you heard of domokun?

or seen domokun plush toy?

this chocolate rectangle kiddo here...

some of my friends actually called this lil kiddo a pile of dunk because of its colour..

some called it ugly..

i find it attractive actually..

some how when i first saw it..it appears as an ordinary toy..

then later when i went to action city..and saw lots and lots of domo there..

somehow it attracted me..

since years back i already lost the desire to own plush toys..

(please don't waste money to get me plush toy unless i request..hahahaha)

but i don't know why..now i feel like having a domo..

not keychain domo nor lil pillow..i want a medium / big plush domo..

XD hahahha..

yea..weird..and i don't know why..

i have this as my phone wallpaper..

kekekeke

childish eh?

i found out domo appeared in a short stop-motion sketches which made him famous since 1998 in japan..

and these are few of its facts..

- "a strange creature that hatched from an egg"

- saw-toothed mouth that is locked wide open

- favorite food is Japanese-style meat and potato stew 

- strong dislike for apples because of an unexplained mystery in his DNA
 - communicate by producing a low-pitched noise which sounds somewhat like his own name

- known to pass gas repeatedly when nervous or upset

lolx..

saw-toothed mouth..that mouth gives an impression of anger to me initially..

but some were made it in a way its gives the impression like it is smiling..

hahaha..illusion..??

then i was thinking whether is there anything wrong with me or not after entering a shop in sunway...

i was looking for domo's price and then i walked around and i was stucked looking at smiley toys..

suddenly felt so bipolar..hahaha

a moment of an angry big mouth toy..next moment wide cute smiling toys..

lolx..

----------------------------------------------------------

in need of more positive vibes..

i have a lot of negative vibes around me..

imbalance..

>.<

end of attachment..

5 weeks passed..

surprisingly time passed so fast..

no..i should say time after work passed so fast..haha

somehow this 5 weeks of attachment was tiring..not that we worked a lot..

maybe because i stand a lot and idle a lot too..hhahaha

basically i stand and kept offering my help to the staffs there..

if not..they won't even let us get involve in what they are doing..

and i'll start yawning and falling asleep while patting the babies..>.<

some of the staffs have that tidak apa attitude and treat us as though we don't exist..

till we actually helped them..

and they became more friendly and willing to teach us..

so i can conclude that i actually see quite a lot of procedures and special cases..

in the end..the staffs are actually quite nice towards us..=)

normal routine care of critical babies - all sorts of ventilators - different management of cases - emergency resuscitation - normal resuscitation - tracheostomy in babies - bone marrow aspiration - lumbar puncture - medical-legal cases - poisoning - rape - cancer - post mortem in babies - last office (cleaning up deceased babies) - preterm babies management - etc etc..

i am grateful..and thankful that i have the opportunity to see all sorts of cases..

totally an eye opening experience..

somehow i feel i appreciate life even more when i see all the little ones struggle so hard to see the world..

and some are lucky and some were not..

may all the deceased babies rest in peace and all the sick babies get well soon..

may God bless them..=)

----------------------------------------

i am drowning..

going through another phase of life..

hopefully everything turns out well..

=)

gleek XD

finally i completed glee season 2..

wakakaka..yea..i know the finale came out somewhere 21st may..

i downloaded d soft copy that time..

but i have no time to watch till today..

weee..

falling in love with their songs again..

i thought "glee virus" died off in me d..

listening back to old songs from season 1 is kinda boring..

but season 2 songs from last few episodes are impressive..

hehehe..

now..another new song from new directions..

pretending..

if you still haven't watch yet, please do so quick..

because it is really cool..heheheh XD

ps : me sorry..i just remembered someone wanna copy from me..sorry..
will try to find a way to borrow you d hard copy..=)
i deleted d soft copy because i got new tvb drama coming to me soon..

need space for new series..heheh..

6 months more to go..

holla..june is around the corner..

2 months ++ without medical leave..

i shall maintain and keep this record this 31st dec..=)))

i believe in myself..and i promised i will take good care of myself..

for myself..

but i can't write guarantee letter that i won't fall sick.

just hope that it is not severe enough till i have to take leave..

i do feel a little abnormal here and there at times..

sore throat at times..lil runny nose at times..gastric problem..

and recently i have giddiness which i do not know why..with occasional diarrhea..

i sound so sickly right?

or maybe i am too observant of myself?hahha

i don't know..

anyway..i do not request for all the above to happen..

i admit last time during student time i wish i can fall sick and get leaves..yea..naughty..and i did not get any..

but this time i did not ask for it..and i just got it..twice..

(refer previous posts if you want to know what happened)

so i guess it did damage my immunity severely..=((

i wish i can do something to boost it up..

healthy diet...supplements..rest..i tried my best and still trying..

and some doinks who do not know how i feel might think i fake it or i seek for attention..

hahaha..i shall curse you to the max that you will go through what i go through..

yes..i am evil..my patience have a limit..thank you..

i sleep a lot because i feel tired..if i don't sleep enough..within days i will get all weird symptoms again..

ya..i am that weak..so what..??karma will hit you back..hmph..

i sacrificed my sleep for you and coincidentally i fall sick 

you teased me hard for not taking good care of myself..

i do not accompany you out you said i am evil..selfish..

fine..i shall just be myself..

i am not born to follow what others do..

take a mirror and look at yourself before talking about other people..

hahaha..sometimes i feel so proud of myself..

how can i stay in an environment with majority girls

work..home..college..school..

*give myself a pat on the back*

haha..ignorance..with patience..

oh..mind you..people do get angry with me because of my ignorance..

selfish konon because did not give much response..not enough attention to them..

but certain things are just pure bimbo..=.="

blah...~~

-------------------------------------------------------------

enough..i shall just take good care of myself..

rubbish can dump into waste bin..

and i won't pick up anymore..

currently i am posting in UMMC for attachment..

i do learned a lot there..

seeing babies and kids everyday..

it is either they were born with congenital disorders or they just acquired it..

saddening thing is i see so many schooling kids have this neurological problem where they go into coma stage..some with cancer...some with unknown cause..

it is just the beginning of their life..

they should enjoy their childhood and not staying in hospital for months and years..

all i wish for them is that they recover from all these and lead a happy life..

if not..please let them go peacefully..

may God bless them..

and baby twin who left the world this morning..

may you rest in peace..

---------------------------------------------------

i am hoping for the approval of my application to continue my studies in intensive care nursing..

hopefully i get it..

=)

----------------------------------------------------

oh ya..

congratulations to LAI YIN YIN and TAN SIEW LENG who officially graduated in their degree..^.^

and who ever that i missed out..hehee..

welcome to the working world..

i finally had to agree with a friend of mine who told me..

"friends who are working thinks differently from friends who are studying..eventhough same age.."

yea..now when i looked back and think..

what he said is true..hahaa...i am old..

most important is grow old gracefully...hahahahhaha

sounds even older..

i know..hahahahhah..

inner peace..i shall achieve my own inner peace..

kung fu panda 2 characters are cute and the story line comes with moral values..

if you can understand it..

=)

financial stress..

it has been weeks since i last updated my blog..

i am gonna whine all the way down in this long post..hahhahaha

if you are not in a good emotional state to read then i would advice you to leave first..

don't judge me and get frustrated just because of my post..

not worth it..

XD

ready?XD

okie..i have a very horrible budget this month..

everything seems to come to the end of life and additional expenses incurred without me expecting..

first..i am assigned for an attachment in UMMC for 5 weeks..

i am lucky to have my senior with me who drives..so she fetches me on daily basis..

except occasions where her bf needs the car..where he will drive us there..if he can't, we will have to take taxi..

to be fair to her..i paid her few hundreds for petrol and we shared parking fees..

*ka-ching*ka-ching*
food there is not cheap too..they have a lot of varieties in different food courts..

and some cashier just don't charge according to the price stated..hoho

maybe it was subjected to change without notice..hahha..

and with additional 6% gov tax.. =.="

then i was "cheated" into buying a crappy direct sales product by a doctor..

vitamin C which does not really help much..

initially i was told that it will be a sample for me to try..

see see..give me 1 whole bottle and told me the price..

and very obviously asking me to pay..

and it was not cheap..*ggrrr..*

then later told me if i don't want, i can return..even if it is already open..

problem is i have already eaten few tablets..

so i don't feel right to return back to her..

sigh..

i also have frequent short trips back home on weekends..

this is the only time for me to grab the opportunity to go back home to see my parents..

when i start to work back on shifts..i don't think i will get so many days off..

and sometimes i will rather stay in kl to sleep more..

traveling long journeys is tiring..

then my phone decided to die after a little "magnetic disturbance"

no la..it is just an excuse to make me feel better..

because coincidentally i was at MRI ante room (a room with lil magnetic field exposure)

and my phone went "cuckoo"..cannot detect battery charger..

system reset by itself..cannot be charged and cannot detect battery life..

it was not the first time system went haywire..

i sent that phone for repair under warranty for 3 times..

and now its the 4th..

so i decided to buy myself a new phone..

because it was beyond repair..i tried..

seriously the quality of phones of that brand is really going downhill..

and dad enforced and reenforced not to buy the same brand..hahha..

so i got myself samsung galaxy ace..

initially was torn in between galaxy mini and ace..

anyway..ace won the race..

people whom i consult all told me to get ace..hahahah

it comes with 2 cover..white and black..

but i prefer the black 1..the texture is different and looks nicer..hehehhe

like this..

heheh..

so far no complaints yet..

quite good..

only a big hole in my savings..

lucky i still have a little savings..

wait..now gone..

T.T

not forgetting..birthday month..

i have many friends and family birthday which falls on may..and december..

some are mandatory to give presents some not..>.<

mind you..i have no extra financial assistance..hhuhuhu

choose not to have..

people who don't know me always think i am kiam siap..

judge without thinking or analyzing..

if they have to go through what i go through..

i bet they will go borrow money from friends or get from parents..

hng..

not trying to say i am a good financial planner..

it is just that everyone have their own reason why things are done that way..

never judge a book by its cover..

never mind..i always believe in karma..

i sees how karma works and i have seen how some of them got double..

sound eerie rite?hahha..
sometimes feel so helpless till have to depend on karma..hahhaha

always be true to yourself and others..
like i have always said..treat others the way you want to be treated..
which also some of my friends think i am very silly to be kind to others..
which i don't think so..but they were once in their shoes..and they don't realize..
sigh..seeing many things in life made me think a lot..sigh..
sound so old and philosophical..

and latest misfortune..

my housemate accidentally banged my house gate yesterday..

gate damaged by the impact..luckily no one was injured..thank god..

that heavy metal gate will cause us a big hole too..

seriously thankful no one was injured because at the time of accident few of my housemates were outside just next to the car..

thank you so much god..

viva is a good solid car..
banged on a locked heavy metal gate still steady..hohoh..
bumper loose ne..

now i am dying for my next salary to be out..

this kind of economy with my current pay..i think i have to seriously reconsider my job..

but i love nursing..

sigh..

*may that baby have a peaceful journey* =(

life..

you know you over worked when 

you are searching for keys all over the place, digging your bag and pocket..

but to find it dangling on your index finger..

you know you over worked when 

you woke up in the middle of the night shocked assuming you are late to work..

you know you over worked when

you can't sleep back after waking up and keep thinking about work..

you know you over worked when 

you spend on nothing other than just food and drink...

mind you..not even delicious food or healthy diet..food to fill stomach only..

you know you over worked when 

you feel so tired after work and all you do was just sleep at home..

working life is horrible when you have no breaks..

----------------------------------------------------------------

honesty is the best policy..

do you know it does not apply to girls?

sorry and sad to say it..

but i have to admit it even i am a girl..

at times we rather people lie to us than telling us the truth..

because the truth hurts..

yup..but i still prefer people telling me the truth than lying to me all the time..

i react worse when i find out the truth myself..

and i always hate people who lie to me..

--------------------------------------------------------------------

sexual harassment at work place is still manageable with law and regulations..

peer pressure is worse when everyone thinks they are right and they are the boss..

especially if the whole place is filled with women..

--------------------------------------------------------------------

do you know?

if someone insult or blame you for something you did not do..

the insult and blame will fall back on to the accuser..

do you know why?

eg. if you bought a present to give to someone but that someone refused to accept your present..

to whom does to present belongs to?

same theory..=)

it is the matter of how you see it..

but sometimes we take it so hard just because we treat them as a friend..

and they usually take it for granted..

If you are right then there is no need to get angry
And if you are wrong then you don't have any right to get angry.

------------------------------------------------------------

i had a bad day..

tak pasal-pasal someone "cheat" me into buying a bottle of supplement which cost me RM90..

that someone offered to give me sample but ended up give me a bottle and asked me to pay..

someone scolded me for something which is not my fault..

and i never take the effort to clear myself..

and i ignored because no one will bother also..

they certified penalty means penalty..

if not..it means i am defensive..and stubborn..blah..

wait..i shall wait..karma will come back to them..

chill chill..

ya..and i saw karma hitting on someone who also scolded me when i was trying to be helpful..

wakaka..

shall wait..yes..i am evil..

so what if i am a newcomer..

old doesn't mean you are always right..

hng..

i am not perfect..tell me if i am wrong..

i will always admit if i am wrong..

do tell me nicely..

thank you..

=)

------------ treat others the way you wished to be treated -----------

♫♪

Taylor swift - back to december

I’m so glad you made time to see me
How’s life, tell me how’s your family
I haven’t seen them in a while
You’ve been good, busier than ever
Small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burning in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

[Chorus]
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven’t been sleeping
Staying up late playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn’t call
Then I think about summer
All the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came and the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love
And all I gave you was goodbye

[Chorus]
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your texting, your sweet smiles.
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I’d love you right
I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t
So if the chain is in your door I understand

[Chorus]
But this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
All the time

 

-------------------------------------------

lea michele - get it right