brain jammed..

guess i think too much nowadays..

or may be things really happen in that way..

hahaha..

life goes on..

i'm supposed to be a happy girl today..

but i had a bad day from the moment i woke up till now..

so..yea..shall throw all unhappy things far far away..

facts that i have to accept no matter what..

some friends may come and go..

some friends will leave footsteps in our heart..

and some friends will leave scars in life..

letting go of something is never an easy process..

forgiving may seem easy..just by saying "u r forgiven"

but really mean it?

forgetting and moving on may take forever..

at times..being selfish is actually a natural protective mechanism of ourselves..

why let people harm us when we can prevent that..?

sound so right and also sound so wrong (by the word of being selfish)..

a lil point to ponder..

His life philosophy will never end..everyday is a learning process..

Thank God for giving me a chance to learn..=)

observed and learned from others..

note to self - not to follow them..

what are you doing to me?what is that in your hand?why are you touching me?

who are you?are you a nurse?yea..you looked like a nurse..

what is that in your hands..?a needle with some transparent fluid?

hey..why are you turning me to the side?why are you untying my pants?

hey..what are you planning to do to me?where is my dignity?

so many people passing by the corridor and you untying my pants and exposing my butt?!?!

OUCHH!!PAIN!!how can you poke me on the butt without even telling me what is that for?

i have rights as a patient..though i can't speak..

too often nurses tend to forget that patient is still awake despite having a tube in the mouth and ventilator (machine which assist in breathing)..

despite having sedation or paralyzing drugs..patient's sensory is still intact..a little blurred, confused and tipsy (because of drug effect)..but they definitely can hear and feel..

nurses often think of what is not done..unfinished reports and time to go home..

therefore..they neglected patient care and patient's rights..

-----------------------------------------------------

in this context..patient is awake..but have a tracheostomy tube (a tube at the throat to assist breathing) therefore he too can't speak out and there is a procedure which requires consent to be taken from patient or maybe family members..fyi..patient is at legal age..

dr - can we do procedure now?written consent up?

missy - ha?consent?no consent taken..

dr - family members?how come you did not call them to come and sign consent?aiyo..

missy - ok ok..i call now..

dr - patient sure refuse to sign..he only want to go home..

missy - *speechless*

patient's family members around..

dr - mr A, we need you to sign consent for your son for this procedure ...(explained only about what he planned to do..risk and nature, after care and cost were not explained)

mr A - uh?must do this procedure?*speechless*

dr - yes..must do..if not it will get worse..

mr A - ok..give me some time to think..*in mind* my son got so many tubes on him..one day one consent..1 day 1 needle inserted on him..*heartache*

dr - *mumbles* give you time..i got no time to wait for you to think and ask your whole family..

missy ignored..

dr failed to respect patient and family member's rights..

failed to explain in detail to convince patient and family to do the procedure..

if you know your facts and rights..show it and do it..patient and family members will trust you and willingly without problem they sign consent..

missy failed to be patient's advocator..though you know the procedure is needed but you have to do your part to voice out patient's request and not just side the dr..

though it might be a "wrong" decision (define right and wrong in this world..) but its still his rights..

and no one even asked the family what they are worried of..what bothers them to proceed with this procedure..

sigh..

missy..

please do no harm to patient..

please respect patient's rights and dignity..

please treat patient like how you want to be treated..

like how you would want your loved ones to be treated..

 they deserve equal treatment and care..

holiday mood coming..

2 more weeks..just another 2 more weeks..

it will be the end of my 6 months course..

and its chinese new year..

*~gong xi gong xi gong xi ni..~*

hahahha..siao d..

was actually quite neutral about cny coming around..

after blasting MyFM astro cny song in rac's car..

my mood also switch to cny mood d..

hahahaha

got myself a few sets of dresses and skirts and tops..

surprisingly..my dress code this year is dress and skirt..hahahah

wanna be more girly konon..XD

i have this lil tradition that all cny clothes must only be worn on cny day..

was brought up that way when i was young..

mom will tell us not to wear new clothes..

then on cny day must dress up prettily..hahhaha

i think mom only told me once but i remembered it till now..hahahahha
though my siblings and parents don't seem to follow this lil tradition..

i still follow..hahahahaha..

so this made me looking forward for cny even more..

still want to dress up nicely..now maybe gorgeously?hahahhahaa

cny is something so routinized in my family and events repeat every single year..

difference that i noticed was conversation topics and questions posted by relatives to us..

when we were in school.."what do you plan to study in future?how many As you scored in UPSR?PMR?SPM?"

when we were still in college..questions will be like.."how is your studies?when graduating?"

after graduated.."working where now?how is work?"

after working for a year or two.."when are you getting married?got boyfriend or not?"

hahahhaah

i wonder what question next will be asked of us..

when getting a child after married? lolz..

another difference is absence of a few members in extended family..

grandma, uncle and aunties who left the world for a better place..

may they rest in peace..

=)

other than that..angpau getting less..sigh..

working d ma..so some of them reduce rate..>.<

and its my turn to give out some more..

sigh..

not a must..but somehow a lil of self-initiative in us to give ang pau to our parents, grandma and selected closely related uncle and aunty..

so at the end of the day..

cny is no longer time for me to save money like before..

cny is time for negative balance in bank..

*.*

a******a..why no bonus?u big time low ya company la.. T.T

------------------------------------------------------

talking bout my course ending in 2 weeks time..

this means my results will also be out in 2 weeks time..

whOa

i guess i have a lil high expectation on myself this time..

or maybe the expectation that others put on me gave me even more pressure??

i don't know..

but i just hope for the best..

a little regret that i failed to focus well during exam week..

was distracted by so many personal issues which arises right before the exam..

most important i get the gist out of the whole course..

did i achieve my objective?

i still think i did achieve..maybe not complete..

but yea..i did get something out of it..

definitely need to read more to improve more..

=D

----------------------------------------------

i rather get infected with this more than those bad super bug this year.. ^.^

------------------------------------------------------

oh ya..got my first wedding invitation card from a friend..

yea..first..not like i never attended any wedding dinner..

just that its either d invitation is for my parents or invited in whole such as for the whole department..

so now..its for me and also my colleague..

but my name is in..wakakakakka..

(yea..silly girl i am..being kiddo awhile..XP)

may God bless both of you a happy life ahead..^.^

will try to attend..ehehhe

and awaiting for another wedding invitation from my friend too..

so many people getting married this year..

hahahha..

--------------------------------------------------

end of another year..a new beginning..

a little late to do a summary of my year 2011..

but still gonna do it..XD

so basically i started off the year with work work and work..

then fell sick a couple of times and got myself admitted..

viruses loved me so much..

there goes my valentines day, birthday and christmas = to sick days..

pathetic..

went out of malaysia for the first time..

yea..i'm a frog under the shell (direct translation from malay proverb)

went to singapore with family..

(yea..singapore only..not even somewhere further.. >.<)

enter casino for the first time as i am finally legal..

(last visit to somewhere with casino was when i was 17..)

went for paeds posting in another hospital..

was an eye opening experience for me..

seeing how doctors manage in other hospitals..in general hospital..

nursing role in a hospital with in house doctors and etc..

special care for the younger patients..

knowledge is important..

therefore..i enrolled myself in post basic course..

an effort to improve myself and learn more..

landed myself with extended bond too..=/

being the first batch in this course definitely has its negative side..

many things are subjected to changes at the very last minute..

coursemates can be a little nasty in words when it comes to dissatisfaction over the management..

prejudice and buyers over certain issues and etc..

something that i learned to overcome at my own level..

good side of it..i achieved my objective..getting a specialized cert without going somewhere far..no need to wait for long queue for my turn n etc

in fact i achieved more than what i aimed..

to me..this course is a stepping stone to prepare myself for degree..

it requires me to read a lot of journals to complete my assignments..

i do academic writings and touch a little on literature reviews..

after being 'polished' for 6 months..i had to admit i am actually quite comfortable reading journals and summarizing it now..and quoting necessary facts to support my work..

though i still dislike reading pages and pages long journals..hahahah

made new friends throughout the year..

lost some so-called friends who failed to get what they wished from me..

had closer friendship ties with some friends..

had a few hanging by a thin string friendship too..

hurt a number of people that i cared and loved..

made a number of silly mistakes..

spent unnecessarily when under stress and regretted it very very much..

and in the end being teased with no mercy..

earning enough to support myself..

hoping for a better earning..

union..do something la..don't be a sleeping union..

finish reading a whole book..an educational book..new history..

yea..22 years and i never finish reading an educational book before..

story books yes.. XD

read 10-20 over journals to complete AN assignment..*whoa*

typed assignments until i don't feel like touching the keyboard any more..

basically..i did not achieve much..not so healthy and good year for me..

only thing to be happy of is that learned quite a number of new things..

everyday is a learning process..

i am thankful to be able to pass through another year alive..

challenges and obstacles never ends...

got to get myself ready back to work..

finishing my course in 3 weeks time..

and i am gonna miss student life again..

sigh..

holla to a new year..♥

 certain things still got no courage to try.. >.<

 

mosquito d culprit

as lucky as ever..i was down with another virus..

pathetic me..

i had fever for 3-4 days..headache..bony + joint pain for days..

then the typical sign of dengue appeared -> petechiae

(petechiae is red spots all over the body caused by ruptured blood vessels..bleeding under the skin..)

so ya..and i knew it..

BINGO..i got another virus multiplying in my body..

went and see doctor twice..took blood samples twice..

but dengue antigen still negative..

doctor not sure what to do with me..

symptoms persist..fever still there..

so i was admitted..

yup..once early of the year..one end of the year..

=.=

diagnosis for admission was rashes for investigation..

multiple blood test was sent..even external blood test for leptospirosis..(my kl house got rats running around..) chikungunya etc were all sent..

(20-30mls of blood taken?huhu..*painful*)

attending doctor thinks i have measles because i had red spots even on my face..not normal for dengue..

and all my dengue blood test were still negative..

so i was transferred to isolation room..again..this time for precaution..

pretty enjoyed my isolation room stay..lolz..

maybe i like to have my own space and silence when i am sick..

was initially in a 4bedded room 

(i'm only entitled for 4bedded..FOC medical treatment..i'm thankful..)

the noise from visitors and inconsiderate-not-so-sick patient who were watching dramas with loud speaker can be quite annoying..

so it was blessing in disguise i guess..

though i have ugly swollen face with red spots..

i get to have peace for the whole admission in isolation single bed room..with toilet..

wakakkaa..

anyway..in the end..

i was diagnosed with dengue because of my symptoms and liver function went haywire..

on supplement to protect my liver..sigh..

lucky enough to be discharged on christmas eve..

platelet count picked up and i was allowed to go home..

though i know i am not well yet..

still have nose bleed and petechiae but getting less..

red spots on my legs were as though skin of my soon-going-to-heaven-patients which we call it mottling..

*this is not my leg..* colour was something like this but darker more purplish..o.o

thank God it is now over..

still feel lethargic..but i guess i had enough of sleep..

had 2 days MC after discharged..

used it fully to sleep..basically i was awake like only 8-9 hours for that 2 days..hoho..

even on Christmas..

though i was back in ipoh..but too tired to go out with friends..

not that i have forgotten any of them..

so tempted to go out..but i just cant function like normal..

only went out once for makan with parents..

the rest all at home..

sigh.. >.<

---------------------------------------------------------

so this is what i got for christmas this year..

hospitalization + teddy with cookies and candies from friend

a soft soft blanket from colleague..

(no picture..heheh..)

 family time with mom n dad n doggies..

naughty stuart on table..

 all time favourite kai shi hor fun.. XD

and my sweet caramel custard...wee..^.^

facebook..

facebook is a very useful creation by Mark Zuckerberg

we can use it to keep in touch with friends..

get ourselves updated with latest new and happening..

(my friends always post newspaper articles on their page you see..lolz)

get updated on the results of sport games and special events..

share information for learning purpose in between group members..

(Eg: my post basic group page..^.^)

and many many more good use when it is used wisely..

but there are people who also misuse it such as..

post rumours which is for sure not true..

(every known or unknown people in friends list will be able to read and see..words will spread super fast..)

posting some stu*** obscene pictures just for the fun of irritating friends..

(never use cerebral cortex to think how bad it might cause to their friends..naive and silly people..)

and many many very subjective examples..

can't help it but to feel irritated in reading and viewing some unsightly comments and pictures..

some people just never think of consequences when posting so much personal information in this open world of internet..

not trying to say you have no freedom in how you use..

but at least to have a little conscience in what you do..

think twice before posting something unrelated to you..something which maybe private to others..

post your own stuff enough le..don't pull other people go die with you..%$&#

especially when you have a very good functional brains..IQ maybe higher than others..you should be able to use your cerebral cortex to analyze before you do nonsense..

i used to think..how good if all of us are like kids when we don't feel anything about saying the wrong things at the wrong time..just laugh at the error..

(mind you..its error..something you don't know its wrong..not mistake..something that you know its wrong but accidentally made the mistake..got difference there..)

but when i grow up..environment "forced and pushed" me to think before i do something..

i am still learning..and still a long way more to go..i bumped into hard walls and rocky roads a few times before..

cracked my skull and heart a little at times..

but i learned..and try not to repeat..

(thousand apologies to people that i've hurt before..thank you for telling me when i did wrong..your honesty and sharing made me learn..thank you..=))

hurt yourself only is better than hurting everyone else who are innocently being affected by your actions out of sudden...

still belief..karma will come back to all these people..

wait..wait..i shall sit and watch how far you can go..

wakakak..XP

yea..very obvious here that i am not facing the problem right?

not being kind to help out others like how others helped me?

ya ya..i know..

because this few brats are not worth telling..

they only think they are "the only thing" that exist in their world..

waste my saliva to talk only..

so i just "duck" it.. XD

ps : had a very bad day yesterday..all nonsense..but good enough to disturb my emotional balance..lolz..

"today will be better than yesterday"

Firdaus, 2011

lalala..

my life nowadays is so routine..

bound by all these piles of assignment which needs to be handed up soon..

part of me hoping that i can finish this course fast..

part of me wish that this course continues till when i am tired of studying..

hahahha..

i have fear in me..

thinking of the new expectations that my seniors will put on my shoulders when i am back to work..

my own expectations on my ownself..

and many many other things to think of..

please be reasonable in putting expectations on me..

i only have a year of experience..

then i'm out studying for 6 months..

i am still lack of practical experiences..

hahahhaa..

playing tai chi now..

*hua push to the left* don't expect so much from me..

*hua push to the right* i am still junior..

*hua push to front and back* i'm only 22..don't put so much burden on me..

hahhahahahaha..

but i am grateful that i have family who supports me..

friends who loves me..

and people who accept me for who i am..

nothing much to ask for..

=)

i am still praying for people around me to be happy..

friends who are still in their darkness moment of life..

friends who are still trying to overcome their own emotions..

friends who are still struggling to get what they want in life..

may God bless all of them and guide them through their obstacles..

thank you..=)

may my parents and family members be well and good in all ways..

hehehhe

just a little moment for a kind-hearted lady who unknowingly left a foot print in my heart..

to the late ms jasvir..

thank you so much for all the help and guidance throughout my years in college..

your little thoughts and help (such as purposely keeping the pointer every day for me to collect it, preparing laptop for me early in the morning without fail when you know there are external lecturers and etc) really touched me..

giving me suggestions when i have doubts..

you never fail to smile and make me smile too..

your departure is so sudden that many of us just can't accept it..

whether there was an negligence or not..

it doesn't matter..

i believe everything has a reason behind it..

the little dream i had on the day after i visited you gave me a big relief

whether it was subconsciously my hope or whether its real..

i just hope that you are happy and peaceful now..

may you rest in peace..

thank you for everything you have done..