Another year end..

Hmm..another year going to end. The highly "anticipated" dooms day did not happen. Though i personally wish it happened. Lolz. Sound so depressed and wanna die. 

Anyway, 2012 resolutions successfully achieved. Getting my post basic certificate, graduated with distinction. Saved enough to pay down payment for car, bought a new car and still financially independent and able to give parents money monthly. Though to some people it is impossible. I made it possible with my own way. Survived through my nursing career so far. Went for holiday to de-stress. Healthy and good throughout the year without hospitalization.

Em..lost 2 of my lovely loyal companion. Personal life a little shaky and complicated. Lost some weight due to stress. A few wrinkle surfaced at my eyes. Lolz. Aging. Lost some good night sleep due to insomnia and work stress. 

So, what is my next resolution? Getting a new job? Taking up a degree? Hmm..i don't usually plan in advance and have new year resolution. Surprisingly for 2012, i made a few and all achieved. Thankful for all the blessings. Thank you God and whoever who helped me through. :) the unexpected ones really took a toll on me. Emotional imbalance and almost influence my work. Took me sometime to get back in track despite seeing so many times at work. But when it comes to me myself, its pretty difficult. May god keep them safe and good next to Him. Love them always. 

Maybe i shall keep next year resolution simple. May my parents always in pink of health, bro and sis having smooth sailing career and life, me having pink of health and good wealth. People around me happy and blessed with good life. Cheers :)

letting go..

a month...i hide myself from reality...

refusing to accept the fact..

thus, i did not go home for a month..

i'm so sorry mom and dad..

i needed some space and some time to let go my emotions..

i'm coming home soon..

though i am a nurse..i see life and death so frequent until i'm pretty immune i would say..

but when it comes to my very very close companions..i failed to control my emotions..

baby and stuart had been a very good companion whenever i'm at home..

basically, home was a place that i hide from all these harsh reality of life and work stress with presence of mom and dad and both of them..

when i need someone to talk and give opinions..mom and dad will be there..

when i need someone to just comfort me, company me..both stuart and baby will be able to do it without fail..

now that i lost part of my comfort and company..i felt lost..

that's why i chose to hide..

i'm still stucked at the stage of depression with slight denial..acceptance say hi to me at times..

but i guess i have to go home and face it for real to fully accept it somehow..

though i might fall back into denial and depression further...

but i still have to do it..

gambate..=)

may both of them rest in peace..

happily in heaven next to God..

=)

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my second graduation is coming up..

for my specialized cert..

i'm working night till graduation day morning and heading to the venue straight after work..

crazy..but with this way..i can confirm my long leaves and go home with my parents..

hopefully my eye bags behave themselves and keep themselves small and less colourful..

and cheeks..please flush yourself in front of the lens ya..

ahahahahha..

Dear God, thank you for all your blessings. 

 

euthanasia

Euthanasia means intentionally ending of life to relieve pain and suffering. An action that can be carried out only on animals in Malaysia. Try that on a human, intentionally or unintentionally, it is a crime, murder. 

For the past 2 weeks, me and my family were put on a test of going through death of our beloved pets. Not natural death but euthanasia. We were torn between to keep them alive and treat them with whatever we can or to put them to sleep, to relieve their sufferings.

BabyCoke is a dashund and Stuart is a mongrel.

Both have been a very good companion, friend and "personal bodyguard" to us.

Part of our family. 

Their playfulness, loyalty, manja-ness, alertness and etc brought so much joy and happiness to us.

Baby had slipped vertebrae disc which lead to paralysis of both his back legs. Admitted him to an animal hospital for almost a week with no improvement but further made him depressed. He felt abandoned in the hospital i guess. Then, he had issues with bladder distention and incontinence. My sister came back and brought him home before deciding what next for him. Despite his disabilities, he still dragged himself to move about and play like usual.

Stuart had weakness of all four limbs at the same time with baby and progressively worsen over the months. His front legs slowly appeared to deform a little over time. On top of that, his sudden increase of appetite (after 7 years of poor appetite), he gained weight. Till he dislocated his left elbow and had pain. He sat at the same spot and sleep at the same spot throughout the day. He needs a lot of strength to stand and walk to the toilet. So he wet himself at the same spot, if not he retain his urine. Despite his inability to move much, he still guard the house well by barking and looking around, trying to move to the source of voice and follow us around. 

I sent Stuart off today myself. I guess he knew something was not right too. I was sobbing throughout the journey to the vet. He tried to lick me and looked at me. He trusted me when i put him on the table and pet him through the procedure. Difference of 18 days, we lost both of our beloved dogs. We suspected some sort of viral infection going on in them on top of old age. May both of them rest in peace.

In loving memory of Baby and Stuart

Dear God, please keep both of them with you. They have been a very good and loyal companion to all of us. Please lift their pain and sufferings and keep them safe with you. Thank you.

randomness

must have items in my scrub suit..

still need a penlight to complete the set..

f-l-o-w-e-r

♥

 

 

a gift, my cute lil speaker ^.^

an award to be proud of..

an award that caused emotional imbalance in some people..>.<

daily occupational hazard..

cuts..i hate u..

i need a life..sigh...

in need of something new

life have been pretty routine nowadays..

getting bored of things i do..

on top of that..issues after issues at work which made things worse..

unnecessary stress..workload..eating sh*t from others..

 personal life..friends..colleagues..

hmm...guess i need a new environment?

new challenges?

different things in life?

guess its time for me to plan whats next..

sleep

oh boy..its 4.45 am and i am still awake..

i blame it on post night shift syndrome..

which is a term me and my fellow missy use to define insomnia due to altered sleep-wake cycle post night shift..

huhu..

i guess most of the people who work night shift will encounter this problem..

be it a nurse/doctor/pharmacist in hospital..anyone..as long as they really work throughout the night without sleep for days..they have this problem..

yea..a lot of my friends and family asked.."u all really never sleep mer?patients also sleeping.."

yea right..young patients sleep..old patients..they climb bed..jump out of bed..playing with *hit at night..

and in icu?patient suppose to be all ill and cannot make noise or anything right?

you are wrong..in icu..patients are that critical that they can collapse anytime..

we have to do cpr..bag to support their breathing..give medicine..

we see the monitor..interpret the rhythms..changes in values on the monitor..

but sometimes in private hospital..not all icu patients is that ill..

some doctors just admit patients to icu for the sake of admitting patient..$$ minded

or the patient has a datuk/dato/tan sri/ etc..

*sad to admit..*

because in icu..we give 1 nurse to 1 patient care..

and some of these monkeys will treat you like their maid at home..

#$%@#$%

oh god..anyone have any suggestion on how to regulate back sleep cycle?

tried staying awake whole day after work on 1st off day..

work at times only..

any other suggestions?

right?wrong?

march was a pretty busy month..

basically was all about work work and work..

but managed to get 5 days off for a mini retreat in langkawi with family..

was great spending time with family..

was a lil upset the day i left my doggies at the vet clinic which offer boarding for animals..

was so super duper worried that my stuart will fit when he gets hypoglycemic..

he just dont eat dry dog biscuits..yea..choosy doggie..only eat chicken..

previous experience in another pet shop..

he came home after 3 days not eating at all..and fit all the way the night he was back..

T.T

this time round..we decided to leave him with the experts..

and ya..i am satisfied..they did try their best to make sure he eats..

at least a little..apparently i was told he ate dog canned food..*surprised XD* and he came home so well..

other than he controlled his bladder and poo for days i guess..

but i am happy..they both look good..

yay!! =)

----------------------------------------------------

hhmmm..

can anyone define what is right and wrong in our life?

till now..i seriously doubt there is a real definite right and wrong answer to everything in life..

things that i see and go through..

what we were once told/taught bout doing the right thing and wrong thing..

it was all plain perception of the individuals..

it is something which is widely accepted by others in that particular way/method..

that is why it is right..

and also wrong..

who says being heterosexual is right?and homosexual is wrong..?

(dont get me wrong..not saying i am against heterosexual nor homosexuality..just an example..)

its just a norm..

who are we to judge?

different people will have different thinking, upbringing and rationale in things that they do..

some people may not have the same opinion bout what the others say which is wrong..

my little point of view is..

as long as the things that we do, does not cause any harm/trauma/injuries to others..

does not cause extra unnecessary trouble to ourselves and others..

it is good enough..

live moderately..as long as you are happy..be thankful for all the blessings..

 nothing is perfect..and we cant have everything we want..

why follow others?

live without being guilty of what is not done or already have been done..

what have not been told/spoken..

if you are guilty..face it..do what ever necessary..free yourself from all the chains..

life is short..we do not know will we be able to wake up the next morning..

appreciate every moment of life..

*damn..feel so old and philosophical..seen too many people unable to fulfill their last wishes..people who regret not being able to play their role as filial sons/daughters and etc..*

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next..education ruined me..!!

aaarrrgghhh..

shall blog bout it next time..

hahahhaha

=)

pictures..XD

a lil here and there of what happened from chinese new year till now..

time passed so fast..its already end of february..

dessert for cny dinner with family..

symbolizes 年年有餘..=)

chinese new year was great somehow being at home..

the comfort and food was enough to turn me into a lazy fat pig..lolz...

did not really have adequate rest..

and headed all the way to Penang..

visited kek lok si on the 3rd day of chinese new year..

wanted to pray for a good a year ahead..

it was packed with people..

end up did not even go up to the newly renovated guan yin temple..

anyway, i went there before..XD

 (wonder why my friends like to put a small plush toy at the dashboard..?and i will always put sunglasses on them..this the the 2nd toy with sunglasses by me..hahahha..)

few weeks later..

went all the way down to johor to attend housemate's wedding luncheon..

^.^

most of us felt so happy and touched to see her walking down the aisle..

did not really get to take picture with her till the end of everything..

managed to take 2-3 pics with her in a group..

 group picture..=)

with the partially drunk red tomato face groom..

hahhaah

 and me syok sendiri with my friends snapping all the way from pj-johor..

lolz...

valentines day was an ordinary tuesday as i was at work..

life is never easy after my course..

still struggling to learn and gain more experience..

i can feel a lil more positive vibes is back with me..

at least i dont keep breaking and dropping things that i hold and touch now..

guess i broke a bracelet..almost lost friend's earring..dropped few vials of medicine (thank god its vial)..taped a few ugly plaster on my patient's face..and almost break a few other items..

hahahahha..

i was in that negative state till whatever i do was all wrong..

but again..i always remind myself..

define right and wrong..

its plain perception which is agreed by majority of the people..

and the best part is..these people will go all out just to penalize you are wrong..

and sentenced you to death..literally...

hahahahhaha

life goes on..=)

mixing with right attitude and positive thinking people do help..

the worse ever happened was to mix with negative people when i myself was filled with negativity..

the feeling was horrible..

Thank you to all those who were by my side all along.

lending me a pair of ears to listen to all my problems.

and most important gave me great advises without judging me and keep telling me to fight back..=)

you made my day. =)

i am grateful and thankful ♥

siao..XD

Lesson of the day..

learn acronym in cantonese..

M.C.C.

mong cha cha..

F.L.C.

fatt lan cha..

T.K.Y.

tor ka* yu..

wakakkakakaka..

siao-ness increased to the next level as stress increase day by day..

@.@

but must remember..

avoid doing/being all the above as it may lead to even more stress..

hahahhahah..

brain jammed..

guess i think too much nowadays..

or may be things really happen in that way..

hahaha..

life goes on..

i'm supposed to be a happy girl today..

but i had a bad day from the moment i woke up till now..

so..yea..shall throw all unhappy things far far away..

facts that i have to accept no matter what..

some friends may come and go..

some friends will leave footsteps in our heart..

and some friends will leave scars in life..

letting go of something is never an easy process..

forgiving may seem easy..just by saying "u r forgiven"

but really mean it?

forgetting and moving on may take forever..

at times..being selfish is actually a natural protective mechanism of ourselves..

why let people harm us when we can prevent that..?

sound so right and also sound so wrong (by the word of being selfish)..

a lil point to ponder..

His life philosophy will never end..everyday is a learning process..

Thank God for giving me a chance to learn..=)

observed and learned from others..

note to self - not to follow them..

what are you doing to me?what is that in your hand?why are you touching me?

who are you?are you a nurse?yea..you looked like a nurse..

what is that in your hands..?a needle with some transparent fluid?

hey..why are you turning me to the side?why are you untying my pants?

hey..what are you planning to do to me?where is my dignity?

so many people passing by the corridor and you untying my pants and exposing my butt?!?!

OUCHH!!PAIN!!how can you poke me on the butt without even telling me what is that for?

i have rights as a patient..though i can't speak..

too often nurses tend to forget that patient is still awake despite having a tube in the mouth and ventilator (machine which assist in breathing)..

despite having sedation or paralyzing drugs..patient's sensory is still intact..a little blurred, confused and tipsy (because of drug effect)..but they definitely can hear and feel..

nurses often think of what is not done..unfinished reports and time to go home..

therefore..they neglected patient care and patient's rights..

-----------------------------------------------------

in this context..patient is awake..but have a tracheostomy tube (a tube at the throat to assist breathing) therefore he too can't speak out and there is a procedure which requires consent to be taken from patient or maybe family members..fyi..patient is at legal age..

dr - can we do procedure now?written consent up?

missy - ha?consent?no consent taken..

dr - family members?how come you did not call them to come and sign consent?aiyo..

missy - ok ok..i call now..

dr - patient sure refuse to sign..he only want to go home..

missy - *speechless*

patient's family members around..

dr - mr A, we need you to sign consent for your son for this procedure ...(explained only about what he planned to do..risk and nature, after care and cost were not explained)

mr A - uh?must do this procedure?*speechless*

dr - yes..must do..if not it will get worse..

mr A - ok..give me some time to think..*in mind* my son got so many tubes on him..one day one consent..1 day 1 needle inserted on him..*heartache*

dr - *mumbles* give you time..i got no time to wait for you to think and ask your whole family..

missy ignored..

dr failed to respect patient and family member's rights..

failed to explain in detail to convince patient and family to do the procedure..

if you know your facts and rights..show it and do it..patient and family members will trust you and willingly without problem they sign consent..

missy failed to be patient's advocator..though you know the procedure is needed but you have to do your part to voice out patient's request and not just side the dr..

though it might be a "wrong" decision (define right and wrong in this world..) but its still his rights..

and no one even asked the family what they are worried of..what bothers them to proceed with this procedure..

sigh..

missy..

please do no harm to patient..

please respect patient's rights and dignity..

please treat patient like how you want to be treated..

like how you would want your loved ones to be treated..

 they deserve equal treatment and care..

holiday mood coming..

2 more weeks..just another 2 more weeks..

it will be the end of my 6 months course..

and its chinese new year..

*~gong xi gong xi gong xi ni..~*

hahahha..siao d..

was actually quite neutral about cny coming around..

after blasting MyFM astro cny song in rac's car..

my mood also switch to cny mood d..

hahahaha

got myself a few sets of dresses and skirts and tops..

surprisingly..my dress code this year is dress and skirt..hahahah

wanna be more girly konon..XD

i have this lil tradition that all cny clothes must only be worn on cny day..

was brought up that way when i was young..

mom will tell us not to wear new clothes..

then on cny day must dress up prettily..hahhaha

i think mom only told me once but i remembered it till now..hahahahha
though my siblings and parents don't seem to follow this lil tradition..

i still follow..hahahahaha..

so this made me looking forward for cny even more..

still want to dress up nicely..now maybe gorgeously?hahahhahaa

cny is something so routinized in my family and events repeat every single year..

difference that i noticed was conversation topics and questions posted by relatives to us..

when we were in school.."what do you plan to study in future?how many As you scored in UPSR?PMR?SPM?"

when we were still in college..questions will be like.."how is your studies?when graduating?"

after graduated.."working where now?how is work?"

after working for a year or two.."when are you getting married?got boyfriend or not?"

hahahhaah

i wonder what question next will be asked of us..

when getting a child after married? lolz..

another difference is absence of a few members in extended family..

grandma, uncle and aunties who left the world for a better place..

may they rest in peace..

=)

other than that..angpau getting less..sigh..

working d ma..so some of them reduce rate..>.<

and its my turn to give out some more..

sigh..

not a must..but somehow a lil of self-initiative in us to give ang pau to our parents, grandma and selected closely related uncle and aunty..

so at the end of the day..

cny is no longer time for me to save money like before..

cny is time for negative balance in bank..

*.*

a******a..why no bonus?u big time low ya company la.. T.T

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talking bout my course ending in 2 weeks time..

this means my results will also be out in 2 weeks time..

whOa

i guess i have a lil high expectation on myself this time..

or maybe the expectation that others put on me gave me even more pressure??

i don't know..

but i just hope for the best..

a little regret that i failed to focus well during exam week..

was distracted by so many personal issues which arises right before the exam..

most important i get the gist out of the whole course..

did i achieve my objective?

i still think i did achieve..maybe not complete..

but yea..i did get something out of it..

definitely need to read more to improve more..

=D

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i rather get infected with this more than those bad super bug this year.. ^.^

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oh ya..got my first wedding invitation card from a friend..

yea..first..not like i never attended any wedding dinner..

just that its either d invitation is for my parents or invited in whole such as for the whole department..

so now..its for me and also my colleague..

but my name is in..wakakakakka..

(yea..silly girl i am..being kiddo awhile..XP)

may God bless both of you a happy life ahead..^.^

will try to attend..ehehhe

and awaiting for another wedding invitation from my friend too..

so many people getting married this year..

hahahha..

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end of another year..a new beginning..

a little late to do a summary of my year 2011..

but still gonna do it..XD

so basically i started off the year with work work and work..

then fell sick a couple of times and got myself admitted..

viruses loved me so much..

there goes my valentines day, birthday and christmas = to sick days..

pathetic..

went out of malaysia for the first time..

yea..i'm a frog under the shell (direct translation from malay proverb)

went to singapore with family..

(yea..singapore only..not even somewhere further.. >.<)

enter casino for the first time as i am finally legal..

(last visit to somewhere with casino was when i was 17..)

went for paeds posting in another hospital..

was an eye opening experience for me..

seeing how doctors manage in other hospitals..in general hospital..

nursing role in a hospital with in house doctors and etc..

special care for the younger patients..

knowledge is important..

therefore..i enrolled myself in post basic course..

an effort to improve myself and learn more..

landed myself with extended bond too..=/

being the first batch in this course definitely has its negative side..

many things are subjected to changes at the very last minute..

coursemates can be a little nasty in words when it comes to dissatisfaction over the management..

prejudice and buyers over certain issues and etc..

something that i learned to overcome at my own level..

good side of it..i achieved my objective..getting a specialized cert without going somewhere far..no need to wait for long queue for my turn n etc

in fact i achieved more than what i aimed..

to me..this course is a stepping stone to prepare myself for degree..

it requires me to read a lot of journals to complete my assignments..

i do academic writings and touch a little on literature reviews..

after being 'polished' for 6 months..i had to admit i am actually quite comfortable reading journals and summarizing it now..and quoting necessary facts to support my work..

though i still dislike reading pages and pages long journals..hahahah

made new friends throughout the year..

lost some so-called friends who failed to get what they wished from me..

had closer friendship ties with some friends..

had a few hanging by a thin string friendship too..

hurt a number of people that i cared and loved..

made a number of silly mistakes..

spent unnecessarily when under stress and regretted it very very much..

and in the end being teased with no mercy..

earning enough to support myself..

hoping for a better earning..

union..do something la..don't be a sleeping union..

finish reading a whole book..an educational book..new history..

yea..22 years and i never finish reading an educational book before..

story books yes.. XD

read 10-20 over journals to complete AN assignment..*whoa*

typed assignments until i don't feel like touching the keyboard any more..

basically..i did not achieve much..not so healthy and good year for me..

only thing to be happy of is that learned quite a number of new things..

everyday is a learning process..

i am thankful to be able to pass through another year alive..

challenges and obstacles never ends...

got to get myself ready back to work..

finishing my course in 3 weeks time..

and i am gonna miss student life again..

sigh..

holla to a new year..♥

 certain things still got no courage to try.. >.<