Another year end..

Hmm..another year going to end. The highly "anticipated" dooms day did not happen. Though i personally wish it happened. Lolz. Sound so depressed and wanna die. 

Anyway, 2012 resolutions successfully achieved. Getting my post basic certificate, graduated with distinction. Saved enough to pay down payment for car, bought a new car and still financially independent and able to give parents money monthly. Though to some people it is impossible. I made it possible with my own way. Survived through my nursing career so far. Went for holiday to de-stress. Healthy and good throughout the year without hospitalization.

Em..lost 2 of my lovely loyal companion. Personal life a little shaky and complicated. Lost some weight due to stress. A few wrinkle surfaced at my eyes. Lolz. Aging. Lost some good night sleep due to insomnia and work stress. 

So, what is my next resolution? Getting a new job? Taking up a degree? Hmm..i don't usually plan in advance and have new year resolution. Surprisingly for 2012, i made a few and all achieved. Thankful for all the blessings. Thank you God and whoever who helped me through. :) the unexpected ones really took a toll on me. Emotional imbalance and almost influence my work. Took me sometime to get back in track despite seeing so many times at work. But when it comes to me myself, its pretty difficult. May god keep them safe and good next to Him. Love them always. 

Maybe i shall keep next year resolution simple. May my parents always in pink of health, bro and sis having smooth sailing career and life, me having pink of health and good wealth. People around me happy and blessed with good life. Cheers :)

letting go..

a month...i hide myself from reality...

refusing to accept the fact..

thus, i did not go home for a month..

i'm so sorry mom and dad..

i needed some space and some time to let go my emotions..

i'm coming home soon..

though i am a nurse..i see life and death so frequent until i'm pretty immune i would say..

but when it comes to my very very close companions..i failed to control my emotions..

baby and stuart had been a very good companion whenever i'm at home..

basically, home was a place that i hide from all these harsh reality of life and work stress with presence of mom and dad and both of them..

when i need someone to talk and give opinions..mom and dad will be there..

when i need someone to just comfort me, company me..both stuart and baby will be able to do it without fail..

now that i lost part of my comfort and company..i felt lost..

that's why i chose to hide..

i'm still stucked at the stage of depression with slight denial..acceptance say hi to me at times..

but i guess i have to go home and face it for real to fully accept it somehow..

though i might fall back into denial and depression further...

but i still have to do it..

gambate..=)

may both of them rest in peace..

happily in heaven next to God..

=)

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my second graduation is coming up..

for my specialized cert..

i'm working night till graduation day morning and heading to the venue straight after work..

crazy..but with this way..i can confirm my long leaves and go home with my parents..

hopefully my eye bags behave themselves and keep themselves small and less colourful..

and cheeks..please flush yourself in front of the lens ya..

ahahahahha..

Dear God, thank you for all your blessings. 

 

euthanasia

Euthanasia means intentionally ending of life to relieve pain and suffering. An action that can be carried out only on animals in Malaysia. Try that on a human, intentionally or unintentionally, it is a crime, murder. 

For the past 2 weeks, me and my family were put on a test of going through death of our beloved pets. Not natural death but euthanasia. We were torn between to keep them alive and treat them with whatever we can or to put them to sleep, to relieve their sufferings.

BabyCoke is a dashund and Stuart is a mongrel.

Both have been a very good companion, friend and "personal bodyguard" to us.

Part of our family. 

Their playfulness, loyalty, manja-ness, alertness and etc brought so much joy and happiness to us.

Baby had slipped vertebrae disc which lead to paralysis of both his back legs. Admitted him to an animal hospital for almost a week with no improvement but further made him depressed. He felt abandoned in the hospital i guess. Then, he had issues with bladder distention and incontinence. My sister came back and brought him home before deciding what next for him. Despite his disabilities, he still dragged himself to move about and play like usual.

Stuart had weakness of all four limbs at the same time with baby and progressively worsen over the months. His front legs slowly appeared to deform a little over time. On top of that, his sudden increase of appetite (after 7 years of poor appetite), he gained weight. Till he dislocated his left elbow and had pain. He sat at the same spot and sleep at the same spot throughout the day. He needs a lot of strength to stand and walk to the toilet. So he wet himself at the same spot, if not he retain his urine. Despite his inability to move much, he still guard the house well by barking and looking around, trying to move to the source of voice and follow us around. 

I sent Stuart off today myself. I guess he knew something was not right too. I was sobbing throughout the journey to the vet. He tried to lick me and looked at me. He trusted me when i put him on the table and pet him through the procedure. Difference of 18 days, we lost both of our beloved dogs. We suspected some sort of viral infection going on in them on top of old age. May both of them rest in peace.

In loving memory of Baby and Stuart

Dear God, please keep both of them with you. They have been a very good and loyal companion to all of us. Please lift their pain and sufferings and keep them safe with you. Thank you.

randomness

must have items in my scrub suit..

still need a penlight to complete the set..

f-l-o-w-e-r

♥

 

 

a gift, my cute lil speaker ^.^

an award to be proud of..

an award that caused emotional imbalance in some people..>.<

daily occupational hazard..

cuts..i hate u..

i need a life..sigh...

in need of something new

life have been pretty routine nowadays..

getting bored of things i do..

on top of that..issues after issues at work which made things worse..

unnecessary stress..workload..eating sh*t from others..

 personal life..friends..colleagues..

hmm...guess i need a new environment?

new challenges?

different things in life?

guess its time for me to plan whats next..

sleep

oh boy..its 4.45 am and i am still awake..

i blame it on post night shift syndrome..

which is a term me and my fellow missy use to define insomnia due to altered sleep-wake cycle post night shift..

huhu..

i guess most of the people who work night shift will encounter this problem..

be it a nurse/doctor/pharmacist in hospital..anyone..as long as they really work throughout the night without sleep for days..they have this problem..

yea..a lot of my friends and family asked.."u all really never sleep mer?patients also sleeping.."

yea right..young patients sleep..old patients..they climb bed..jump out of bed..playing with *hit at night..

and in icu?patient suppose to be all ill and cannot make noise or anything right?

you are wrong..in icu..patients are that critical that they can collapse anytime..

we have to do cpr..bag to support their breathing..give medicine..

we see the monitor..interpret the rhythms..changes in values on the monitor..

but sometimes in private hospital..not all icu patients is that ill..

some doctors just admit patients to icu for the sake of admitting patient..$$ minded

or the patient has a datuk/dato/tan sri/ etc..

*sad to admit..*

because in icu..we give 1 nurse to 1 patient care..

and some of these monkeys will treat you like their maid at home..

#$%@#$%

oh god..anyone have any suggestion on how to regulate back sleep cycle?

tried staying awake whole day after work on 1st off day..

work at times only..

any other suggestions?

right?wrong?

march was a pretty busy month..

basically was all about work work and work..

but managed to get 5 days off for a mini retreat in langkawi with family..

was great spending time with family..

was a lil upset the day i left my doggies at the vet clinic which offer boarding for animals..

was so super duper worried that my stuart will fit when he gets hypoglycemic..

he just dont eat dry dog biscuits..yea..choosy doggie..only eat chicken..

previous experience in another pet shop..

he came home after 3 days not eating at all..and fit all the way the night he was back..

T.T

this time round..we decided to leave him with the experts..

and ya..i am satisfied..they did try their best to make sure he eats..

at least a little..apparently i was told he ate dog canned food..*surprised XD* and he came home so well..

other than he controlled his bladder and poo for days i guess..

but i am happy..they both look good..

yay!! =)

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hhmmm..

can anyone define what is right and wrong in our life?

till now..i seriously doubt there is a real definite right and wrong answer to everything in life..

things that i see and go through..

what we were once told/taught bout doing the right thing and wrong thing..

it was all plain perception of the individuals..

it is something which is widely accepted by others in that particular way/method..

that is why it is right..

and also wrong..

who says being heterosexual is right?and homosexual is wrong..?

(dont get me wrong..not saying i am against heterosexual nor homosexuality..just an example..)

its just a norm..

who are we to judge?

different people will have different thinking, upbringing and rationale in things that they do..

some people may not have the same opinion bout what the others say which is wrong..

my little point of view is..

as long as the things that we do, does not cause any harm/trauma/injuries to others..

does not cause extra unnecessary trouble to ourselves and others..

it is good enough..

live moderately..as long as you are happy..be thankful for all the blessings..

 nothing is perfect..and we cant have everything we want..

why follow others?

live without being guilty of what is not done or already have been done..

what have not been told/spoken..

if you are guilty..face it..do what ever necessary..free yourself from all the chains..

life is short..we do not know will we be able to wake up the next morning..

appreciate every moment of life..

*damn..feel so old and philosophical..seen too many people unable to fulfill their last wishes..people who regret not being able to play their role as filial sons/daughters and etc..*

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next..education ruined me..!!

aaarrrgghhh..

shall blog bout it next time..

hahahhaha

=)